How to be obsessed with sareepact and take bad selfies in the bathroom at 5 am wearing a saree over a tee!

Yeah, that’s the approp title for this. What the hell! Not everyone can look like the dropdead gorgeous double A batteries Ally Anju!

Now the story behind the saree is kuch iss tarah. On one of my visits to Bombay a couple of years ago, one of my besties there gave me the happy news that her daughter was getting married in Bangalore after a couple of months. I was thrilled with the news. She showed me all the sarees, jewelry that they had bought. Since I don’t have a daughter and always wanted one, I secretly envied her but the happiness of seeing the once- little-girl glowing as a bride-to-be soon took charge. Then the convo went kuch iss tarah:

Bride: Aunty, what will you wear on my wedding day?
Me: Maybe clothes?
Bride: Lol that’s funny but seriously, which saree will you wear?
Me: Hmmm, let’s see. Oh, I have so many. I’ll wear one of them. You like them all, don’t you?
Bride: Yeah but I’ve been seeing them since forever. Tell you what, let’s go and buy a new saree for you. Buy a fancy net saree.

So her mom and I jumped into an auto and dashed off to Parla East to a fancy shop called Sunehri or Soneri or some other …ri. I bought a deep maroon net with some copper whatever on it. It’s quite pretty. I’ll wear it sometime. My bestie very kindly offered to sponsor this saree and I politely refused for some time (10 seconds) and then said “Well, if you insist and if it makes you so happy, who am I to deny you that happiness?” So she jauntered off to the cash counter to pay.

Meanwhile, I looked around. There was a sales boy at the other end of the room folding sarees and putting them back. He had an expression on his face that said I HAVE THE WORLD’S WORST JOB. DAMN THESE SILLY UNDECIDED WOMEN AND THEIR SAREE SHOPPING. I walked up to him just to cheer him up asked him his name. He said something which I don’t remember now. I asked him to choose a saree for me from the mountain of unfolded saree that was in front of him. He gave me a look that said “Abbé, get lost Aunty”. I don’t accept defeat easily. I said “I miss my son who looks exactly like you so I’m asking”. The expression on his face thawed (Bollywood dialogues Zindabad!) and he pulled out this six yards of nothingness. I thanked him and took it.

My friend paid for this too. Her kindness knows no bounds.

I’ve never worn this in my life. Till I did today and took this world’s worst selfie-in-a-bathroom-over-a-Giordano-tee.

Oh I forgot to say – they completely forgot to invite me for the wedding. ROFL. I’m serious. That’s why it wasn’t worn till today.