I don’t have my wedding saree.
No, really, I don’t.
In what I considered a daft Haryanvi custom, the bride gives away the saree she wore for the marriage ceremony, to the husband’s sister.
So when I was told by my mother that I had to give away my saree, I threw a blue funk tantrum. He didn’t have a sister, I told her. She found a cousin. I said I’d just get married in a plain saree and suffer through it all. She gave me “the look “. I must have done all the drama queens in my ancestral history proud in those ten days of fighting and crying and sulking. ( Haven’t you heard ? Weddings bring out the worst in everyone)
No amount of arguing would help though. She IS my mother after all. But she did understand my disappointment and my wanting to have the memory of my special day.
So mother daughter called a truce. She spoke to the Pandit and on the pretext of simplifying a tight schedule at the marriage hall and citing the excuse of the hot summer, my mother convinced him, and all the visiting relatives, to portion the ceremonies into two parts.
The first part of the pooja, where the groom isn’t necessarily required to sit in, was held at our home in the morning. Then after dressing in bridal wear, we headed to the venue where we got married in grandeur.
The very next day after the wedding, I handed over my wedding saree to Ketav’s cousin, Shital Iyerl. What I got to keep was my dupatta, which the Mama, maternal uncle, brings for the bride. When I look back and try to make sense of this unusual tradition, all I can come up with is a paying forward of happiness. The equivalent of throwing the bouquet in the West. Perhaps I was meant to share my happiness with another woman and in my giving of my saree, learn to let go and embrace my future.
I had tucked away this rather plain, but beautiful, silk, Jaamdani saree into the recesses of my many wardrobes in different cities and countries. I never wore it again. Until today. Twenty years later, I can still smell the camphor of the pooja on the saree.
I now know that giving in to Ma for the wedding and concentrating on my marriage, was one of the best lessons I learned.
I confess I’ve often wondered whether Shital ever wore my wedding saree. She and I became firm friends. I take pride in the fact that I introduced her to media and trained her. She has gone on to become a very successful producer of programming in the television industry.
Saree 40/100 with my wedding dupatta draped on my right shoulder.

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